The Greatest Adventure

A previous movie ended with the characters flying off into the sunset in a Zeppelin. They are a varied rag tag bunch of people. This movie continues from that point.

Scene 1 Streets of Vienna


The intrepid explorer wanders the streets of Vienna looking for the Secret Museum. He looks at a map - looks quizzical and asks a stranger for directions.

Scene 2 The Secret Museum


A young visitor to the Secret Museum in Vienna

Visitor: Good day I have come to visit your fine museum.
Robert: but this is a secret museum how did you find us?
Visitor: Oh it has taken me many years and it was difficult but there were signs to follow if you know where to look.
Ruth: Well you are in luck today as we are open
Visitor: Wonderful, may we take a look around?
Robert: Of course follow me we will give you a personal tour

THEY WALK OFF

Ruth - here we have the worlds first silent gramaphone
Visitor - Looks quizical
Robert and here is the worlds only invisibility machine.
Vistor: but there's nothing there
Robert: Exactly

Ruth: And here is the world famous daytime torch
Visitor: Does it work at night time too?
Robert: No only during the daytime
Visitor - Quizical look
Visitor: Well these are fine things you have here but the real purpose of my visit to your secret museum is I heard a retired Zeppelin Pilot who volunteers here at the museum

Ruth: Ahah that would be Herr Pilot Franz but he has now also retired from the museum
Visitor (sad) oh no.
Robert: However, in honour of his years of service he has been given a retirement apartment in the upper floor of the museum
Ruth: He gets so few visitors these days but he loves to tell stories of the old days, would you like to visit.
Visitor: Oh yes please, I hear he had a great adventure back in the day

WINDING STAIRCASE

SCENE 3 - The Retirement Apartment


A comfortable and cosy apartment with a log fire burning. The old Pilot Franz sits in a comfortable chair surrounded by books

Ruth: Good Morning Herr Franz, you have a visitor.

Visitor: Good Morning sir, I have travelled far to hear your story.

Pilot Franz: Come in young man, I don't get many visitors. I suppose you want to hear about my great adventure.

Visitor: Oh yes please.

Pilot Franz: Well many years ago I was a Zeppelin Pilot. I fell foul of the High Command because I was very unhappy to fly over Northern England frightening little children. (cut to Zeppelin scene behind this dialogue)

Pilot Franz (continues) They put me on "special duties" and I became a mere chauffer to a highly strung acting troupe, The Straad Players. Furthermore they gave a craft that was somewhat experimental with some, shall we say, surprising features.

"The film makers collected a lot of strange people in their last story, they ran out of time and budget and so someone was needed to provide a happy ending, you know?"

" So yeah, happy end, they summoned me, Zeppelin Pilot Franz Flieger, for just one stupid sentence and you know that I was a person of authority ..... It looked so simple ... "


(putting in the scene: Everybody take your seats. And we will fly this thing home)


"But then they contacted me for a sequel. And it looked as if I had to say more than one sentence. But still no money in it"


SCENE 4 Home is Where?


IT IS DAWN. THE ZEPPELIN IS IN THE CLOUDS OVER THE SEA.PEOPLE ARE JUST WAKING UP

PILOT FRANZ
Good morning everyone. Now I need some directions before I can set course for home. Where is your home?
EVERYONE
(all talking at once)
a jumble of place names
PILOT FRANZ
Quiet please, I had no idea you were from so many places. How can I take you all home. Who's home is nearest.
SERGEANT BLUSTER
Me and Private Smith here are from Skinningrove and we left there only a few hours ago.
FATTY SMITH
But Sir - we're a long long way from home, we're from 1944!
GEORDIE VALHALLA
(Geordie dialect with subtitles)
And ah's freum 1305
EVERYONE
muttering - alarmed and concerned.
LARRY LEATHER
Everybody, I know a place. A place that is timeless and a home for misfits such as ourselves. The Republic of Uzhupis.
EVERYONE
THE REPUBLIC !
PILOT FRANZ
Ok everybody, take your seats please. We're going home to the Republic of Angels !
EVERYONE
HURRAY !!!!


SCENE 5: Supermayor.


FX - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

BARRY: What's that?


FX - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
ALL - MUTTERING
BARRY: There's someone at the door

FRANZ: Dummkopf - we're 4,000 feet in the air


FX - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

BARRY: Well there's someone or something there, we'll have to check

DOOR OPENS REVEALING SUPERMAYOR

BARRY: MIKE FINDLEY

ALL: Supermayor !!

MIKE: hoi - you lot ! I was having my evening flyover of Skinningrove Jetty when this Zeppelin took off with no registered flight plan and I got me cloak caught in the rudder.

BARRY: Oh my goodness.

MIKE: I've been up there all night. Heads will roll for this.

FRANZ - Oh you silly man, I need no authority from the British to fly this Zeppelin, I answer only to the German high command.

MIKE - Oh I see it's you inspector Bell, arrest this man at once.
ALL: Alarmed Muttering
BARRY: Now hold on a minute, I'm sure we can work this out. We're on an adventure, would you like to come.

MIKE: I'd love to come Barry but I have the Mike Finley MND fund to take care of. I'll have to go.

BARRY - Ok, then take care.

MIKE: Take Care? - it's you're Pilot Franz who needs to take care with his Flying

FRANZ: Do not tell me how to fly my man

MIKE: Fly ??? - I'll show you Flying - get a load of this

MIKE - whooshes off - acrobatic flying - buzzes the Zeppelin.

ALL - CHEERING

SCENE 6: The Stowaway



THE AIRSHIP IS UNDERWAY AND PEOPLE DRIFT OFF TO AMUSE THEMSELVES. TOMMY COMES RUSHING BACK AND IN A PANIC. —

TOMMY:
Hey, I heard a noise back there.
PILOT FRANZ: Aha, perhaps we have a stowaway, show me the way please and we will investigate.
TOMMY: OK - it was at the back of the ship.
(They all troupe out.)

SCENE 7 : The Stowaway (CONT)


SET - CRATES AND CASES AND STUFF - A CARGO HOLD

TOMMY: - (afraid) it was back there

FRANZ: Hello, hello. Whoever is there come out at once, this is the captain.

FATTY SMITH: Draws and cocks rifle.

SCOOP: Don't shoot mister, it's only me.

FRANZ: Well come out at once and show yourself.

SCOOP (emerges) It's only me, SCOOP McGhill, Cub reporter, Coastal View.

TOMMY: It's just a lad, what are you doing here son.

SCOOP: (distraught) well I only wanted to get some interviews with the Straad Players but the air ship took off and I was trapped.

GEORDIE VALHALLA: A stowaway, sling him off now

SCOOP: Oh no, no - please.

BARRY: Well perhaps you could make yourself useful. A cub reporter you say hmmmmm.

LARRY LEATHER: We are on an Adventure, you could send reports back to the paper.

SCOOP: but how will I get my reports back from up here?

TOMMY: (Faltering) well, er, hmm, I .......

BARRY: (Stern) Spit it out Tommy what's on your mind.

TOMMY (shamefaced) well, it's the reason I came back to the ships hold really. I stowed my pigeons aboard. I just couldn't bear to be parted from them any longer.

SCOOP: (Excited) Hey Mister, are they HOMING pigeons.

TOMMY: (Proud) The very best sonny !

SCOOP: (Excited) Well that's how we could get my reports back to Coastal View. (Proud) Hey, everyone, you just got yourself a reporter.

EVERYONE: Hurray

SCENE 8 The Hijack


TERRY TANNER HAS BEEN FRETTING AND MUMBLING ABOUT GOING TO UZHUPIS. HE LOOKS DOWN BELOW AND PERCEIVES THAT THEY ARE FLYING OVER FINLAND.

TERRY: Captain - we're flying over Finland, just drop me of here would you?

PILOT FRANZ: This is not a local bus service, we can't just stop everywhere, we're heading to Uzhupis. You can catch a bus back to Finland.

TERRY: I insist, drop me off here now.
PILOT FRANZ: Absolutely no!

TERRY: pulls a gun (crowd gasps) I INSIST

PILOT FRANZ: That's not a gun, it's a bannana

TERRY: Maybe, but it's a loaded bannana!

TERRY: aha - this ought to do it (pulls a lever marked "Go Back")

TERRY: Just what I need, I want to go back home.

FX - SCREECHING AND GRINDING

PILOT FRANZ: You fool. This is a highly sophisticated craft that flies not only through the air but also through time.

TERRY: What ??

PILOT FRANZ: Yes and the controls are very sensitive you Finnish ruffian
TERRY: Huh?

PILOT FRANZ: by invoking the "go back" lever without disengaging the "fly forward" lever you have caused disruption in the entire system of gyros and gizzemy thrusters.

TERRY: Looks quizical

PILOT FRANZ: yes you idiot and now it looks like we'll crash land in your beloved Finland but now we're going back to it's dark and distant past never to return.

EVERYBODY: Oh No, screams - consternation.

FX - sky dive - crash land

SHOT: Terry and Franz shot from behind looking through forward screen of Zeppelin. We see flashes and warp images. (Sound FX - Tearing, rendering)

SCENE 9 THE FINLAND ADVENTURE:

INTERIOR OF ZEPPELIN. TERRY TANNER HAS CAUSED THE ZEPPELIN PASS THROUGH A TIME WARP AND LAND IN FINLAND.WE'RE NOW IN A PAST ERA 1905/6

SHOT: shot tower appears ahead.

PILOT FRANZ What's that

TERRY TANNER It's a shot tower, ( shot-tower-crop.jpg )we can tie up to it. What happened just now?

PILOT FRANZ: you idiot, you caused us to pass though a time warp and we're in Finland in the year of 1906. What's even worse is that you´ve ripped a tear in the fabric.

SHOT: Long shot of Zeppelin moored to Shot Tower

TERRY: Say, Captain I know this place. Not far from here is a factory where we can get Zeppelin canvas to make repairs to the hull.

CHARLIE BELL: Right let's get a move on. TANNER, you lead the way, CAPTAIN you had better come along too.

SMITH: I'll come along Sir!

PILOT FRANZ: You are a mere private soldier and not trained for this level of task!

BARRY HUNT: In that case I should go along. I'm an elected Councillor for Redcar and Cleveland.

PILOT FRANZ: Very well Hunt, come along, let's get started.

SHOT: Long shot of Zeppelin and Shot Tower. Characters walk down Zeppelin Ramp /Cross/Fade - characters walk through Finlayson Arch (shot from behind)

2012-04-21-Finlayson.jpg

Scene 10 The Factory


SECRETARY: Good day gentlemen, how may I help

FRANZ PILOT: We wish to see your factory manager

SECRETARY: I'm sorry, Mr Notbeck is far too busy, you must make an appointment

FRANZ PILOT: But this is of the utmost urgency we must see the manager right away

SECRETARY: Absolutely not. No please leave at once.

FRANZ PILOT: (under his voice) You, Hunt, distract her. Tell her something interesting

BARRY: Hey luv, have you heard about Skinningrove Jetty, I've got some pictures here. It was built with slag from the steelworks and ............

(voice fades under - rabitting on and on)

FRANZ PILOT: (under his voice) Quick men, follow me, it's be through that door there ......

(SHOT: Imposing door)

Scene 11 NOTBECKS OFFICE


TERRY: Morrow Mr Notbeck,may I introduce Herr Franz Pilot and Inspector Charlie Bell.

FRANZ Yes my good man - give us about 300 metres of your best Zeppelin canvas and we'll be on our way

NOTBECK. And just who are you to be making such demands of me, Manager Notbeck.

INSP BELL Look can't you see we're blocking your airspace. If you help us make the repair we will be on our way

NOTBECK do you have authorisation from the Ochrana

INSP Bell What is this Ochrana

NOTBECK - this is our secret police

INSP BELL ´Hah! in England we police are honest and transparent

NOTBECK The Ochrana are transparent - you can not see them

FRANZ - enough of this - we TAKE the canvas - out of my way

NOTBECK - picks up phone - hello, Ochrana

headquarters? we have intruders here - we need assistance

SOUND FX - SIRENS WAIL

CHARLIE BELL: Come on lets get out of here .......

They all run through the outer office - the Secretary is unconscious

BARRY: And me and my mate Tommy are going to fix it up and .......

PILOT FRANZ: Hunt! - follow us - they've called the secret police

They run off - perhaps into the bowels of the building - scope for further adventures and maybe meet up with Finlayson workers (Underground movement perhaps)

Scene 12 Ochrana Pursuit


Shots of shouting and run down the streets with gun shots. (Lennon and Stalin pursued by Ochrana)


Scene 13 SMITH AND BLUSTER


SHOT: interior of Zeppelin

SMITH: Well that's me told good and proper Sarge. Not good enough for the mission

BLUSTER: Don't worry Smith, you'll do for me. Le's conduct a little local reconisance.

SMITH: Thanks sarge but I'd rather just take a look around

LARRY: I'll come with you gentlemen, this place looks like it may offer an adventure or two


SHOT The all depart and walk into town


Scene 14 The Sauna


SHOT: Street scene - shops with Finnish names

BLUSTER: Look Smith I can't read a darned thing.

shot: two or three shop signs

Smith: There's an English word Searg "Sauna".

HARI: Tervetuloa saunaan

SMITH: can you not speak english mate?

HARI: give me a couple of minutes and I will work it out

cut to Smith (puzzled)

cut harry (thinking)
we see Lenin and Stalin sneaking into Sauna behind Hari

cut SMITH: (still puzzled) well ??

HARI: ok I can speak english

HARI: Welcome to our public sauna

shot: smith and bluster head to door

HARI: Hey wait not that way, This is a modern sauna we keep the women away from the men. Please this way


shot: Lenin and Stalin side by side in sauna (waist up)

LENIN : Well spotted, Comrade; they'll never find us in this sauna.

STALIN: Da, Comrade, you look even smaller without your clothes on.

LENIN: Hush, you shouldn't reveal such classified information to outsiders.

STALIN: Well, I am merely pointing out you are the crisis in our Party

shot: smith and bluster enter - naked - shot from behind, lenin and stalin can be seen beyond.

LENIN: There you go again Joe - One step forward, and 2 steps back.

BLUSTER: Hey Smith, I've read that pamphlet! It must be Stalin and Lenin

SMITHSmith: They're ruskies, they must have vodka!

BLUSTER: There you go again smith. Drink!

SMITH: Yes please! Is that an order, Sir?



Lenin and Stalin need to strike up a conversation with Bluster and Smith - perhaps asking how they got here. The Zeppelin could be mentioned presenting a chance of escape. First Smith wants to visit a pub (as the Zeppelin is in no shape to leave yet)


Scene 15 Outside Sauna


they ask harry for directions:

SMITH: Do you know of a good pub around here mate?

HARI: let me calibrate for two minutes, there is something somewhere maybe two blocks in this town or the next

HARI: I am a Fin I love alcohol, let me show you the way.?

They all walk off.


Scene 16 The Pub



Idea - the Finlayson tunnel leads to the cellar of this pub. Franz, Terry, Charly and Barry emerge. Maybe this is where they meet a woman who can take them to get the fabric. Franz, Charlie and Terry go off with her.



LARRY LEATHER: Hey everyone, I know a song about this pub

Sings ............

THERE IS A BONNY MOORHEN THAT FILES O'R STANHOPE TOWN
COMES UP WITH THE SUNRISE AND AS THE MOON GOES DOWN
UP WITH THE SUNRISE ACROSS THE WESTERN SKY
WHEN THE HUNTERS IN THE VALLEY
THE BONNY MOORHEN FLIES

Barry spots a piano so stays behind and starts to sing. They get thrown out as Sinatra has not been invented yet and it is alien to their Finnish ears. The party decides to go back to the bar aboard the Zeppelin. Perhaps Stalin and Lenin are interviewed by Scoop McGill - cub reporter.

Comments from Locals to the effect that this is crazy despotic music and will bring down society. Crowd gathers angrily around Barry - the all beat a hasty retreat.